FullSizeRender (10)Hi my lovelies!

As promised I’m back.

I want to start off by saying thank you to all the wonderful people I have in my life who have picked me up and continue to pick me up and hold me close when I fall. I pray for the people in my life and pray you don’t change you for nobody cause there is somebody out there in this world that wants to be, you.

More than 100 people tuned in and read last last week’s post about the experience I had with a one person.

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stop reading this blog post and click the link either two lines above this line or the line below this sentence.

read this juicy drama filled blog post

Ok, now let’s carry on.

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I really do not have much to say about what occurred a few weeks ago. I do want to say that what happened really did hurt me and put me in a place of pain. (As many of you all already know)

Cause I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about him, although it is very rare for me to think about him. It still happens. Even though I have blocked him on every social media platform I have  in order to end all communication with him. This doesn’t mean I don’t care about him still (unfortunately cause my heart is so big that even when someone has done me wrong I still care for them)

I add this thought in because for some reason people within our generation believe when they block people via their cell phones and on social media platforms like twitter and snapchat, that the person no longer exists.

Now, don’t get me wrong I understand the if something or someone, in this case, is out of your sight, then that person is out of your mind.

However, there are people when they are trying to get over someone or forget someone thinks just this action ALONE can help them cope. No. That is not how life works you cannot block someone in real life. You have to work on encountering and even engaging with these people in real life.

(This my face and mood when ppl feel like this is their only way to cope/get over someone):

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No. That is not how life works you cannot block someone in real life. You have to work on working with these people in life, whether it be in school or in a professional setting…. I want to stress the importance I understanding the following:

That is not how life works you cannot block someone in real life. You have to work on existing in the same space as them even though they are no longer in your life. Yes, it is hard to do. But nothing we really want out of life that is valuable is actually easy to obtain.

I am being reflective of last week’s blog because I was not reflective when I wrote the post. My goal was to be expressive and focus on my emotions and really nothing else. I wrote the post out, when I was angry, when I was hurt, and when I was in pain. When I published that blog post, I was just trying to wrap my head around all the events that had occurred to me in such a short span of time.

I want y’all to know that even when you liked someone, (just like I did),

I wore my heart on my sleeve for this person and even though my heart got hurt in the end that I don’t regret wearing my heart on my sleeve because like I mentioned without pain we cannot grow.

And I personally believe that in life we should be focused on the growth of ourselves, not others.

I want to talk with you guys about self-forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness is really the only thing besides God himself, that has allowed me to progress and prosper after the situation.

Personally, I am the type of person that is really hard on herself. So when a situation like this, that left me up with the choice to whether or not I should where my heart on my sleeve or not; (Clearly if you read last week’s post then you know I choose to wear my heart on my sleeve.)

And I do not regret it. I actually lived. I actually did an action without being scared of the result.

I actually lived. I usually did an action without being afraid if it didn’t work out or not. Although my anxiety was the bare minimum for this guy and I relationship, I still lived freely without worrying what would happen next with us.

I was living in the present. I was and still am practicing on being present.

I gave the person in the situation my all and I know now looking back I have no doubt nor worry that I did not try… cause I most definitely did.

Looking back at the situation I have now begun forgiving myself.  Instead of him first. I am putting myself first before anyone else.       In majority of my situations where forgiveness has to come into play, I am quick to forgive the person or persons who have offended or hurt me first before my own self. 

I forgive myself because all I wanted to be is be and all I wanted to do was love someone besides myself.

Just like Alex said,  “Home is where healing is, too. I was my own worst enemy, and no amount of outside forgiveness could settle that issue.”

Alex Elle in her newest book,”Neon Soul” she says the following:img_78781.png

 my favorite line in this piece is the analogy created about us humans and flowers. And how “resilience is born even when we feel like we are dying.”

and since I am being reflective of my experience after I had found out the disturbing information that shattered my trust that I had held with this young man….. I felt like I was dying…. (like for those who know me, know I am dramatic, but I am being completely literal here I literally felt like I was dying I became physically sick and even depressed)

the piece above ties in with the thought of what my father would always say to me:

” What does not kill us only makes us stronger”

I am thankful for the opportunity I was given to wear my heart on my sleeve.I am thankful for self-forgiveness. I am thankful for all my friends and family who have helped me get to the mental state at which I currently reside in. And last but not least I give thanks to God for being there and showing me when he closes one door that he will open three+ more.

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Sending much love,

Caitlin

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